I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
