I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
