an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
