My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
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I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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