yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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