I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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