you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
