I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
