She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
