Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
