bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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