Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
