The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
