your thong is hanging out like whoa
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
