See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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