My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
