Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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