oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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