I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
