Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
