We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
