Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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