Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We just shotgunned beers for America
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
