I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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