I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
