I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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