I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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