I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
