I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
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