She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
