i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
