Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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