fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
