Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
