I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
