girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
