first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
