Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Every concussion has its silver lining
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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