I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
