Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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