she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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