I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
