Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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