96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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