That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
