i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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