dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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