I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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