I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
