So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
they're like a gay fantastic four
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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