you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
