How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
