Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
