he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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