Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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