You just made me feel so damn special
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
