Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize