Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
