She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
